As Rita Rudner said: "They usually have two cashiers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one".
Yes...sometimes banks can be infuriatingly bad! So, just how bad is your bank?!
The big five banks (HSBC, NatWest, Barclays, Halifax Bank of Scotland, and Lloyds TSB) are on target to make record profits of nearly £40 billion this year, thanks to their pathetic current account rates, silly savings interest and their blasted bank penalty charges!!
Despite this, more than 50% of us still have at least our current account with a high-street bank, and more than 60% of us buy investments from a bank or building society! What is wrong with us?
The Times (that bastion of all things newsworthy and British!) did a little survey and then rated the banks on how good or bad they were!
So, which bank came up top trumps and which one should you dump?
"THE BANKING LEAGUE TABLE"
- Alliance & Leicester
- HSBC
- Abbey
- Halifax
- Barclays
- NatWest
- Lloyds TSB
As you can see,
NatWest and Lloyds TSB finished bottom of the table for quality service. NatWest will come as no great surprise especially with the attitude they showed towards Tom Brennan in his court case!
Below are the ratings out of 10 that The Times scored the banks (just so you can see how bad they are!)
Good things: One of the few products that stand out as a good deal is NatWest's Classic Credit card.
If you are a new customer, you benefit from a 13-month interest free period on balance transfers and the bank's transfer fee is one of the lowest at 2% (Barclays, Halifax and Lloyds TSB charge 3 %.)
The card also charges a competitive standard rate of interest at 13.9% - the average rate charged by the other big banks is 15.9%.
Bad things: They tried to stop Tom Brennan from taking them to court!
Aside from that, none of its savings accounts pay competitive rates of interest.
Their Reward Saver, for example, pays between 3.75% and 4.1%, depending on the balance, but the rates include a 1% bonus if you make just one withdrawal a year. If you make more, the bonus reduces.
Their mortgages were also ranked bottom by James Cotton at L&C Mortgages, who said: "It has one of the highest standard variable rates at 7.94% and it levies a higher lending charge on loans above 90%. It can be good in specialist areas, but its standard mortgage deals can usually be beaten."
- LLOYDS TSB - 5.1 out of 10
Good things: Cheltenham & Gloucester (C&G), Lloyds TSB's mortgage division, has recently removed its £225 exit fee for new customers, and it also has a very competitive lifetime tracker with a current rate of 5.92%. It has no arrangement fee and free valuation and legal work and is available on loans up to 60% of the property's value.
Bad things: Lloyds TSB's penalty fees on current accounts are high!
It charges £35 if a direct debit is refused! They have also removed a £10 buffer that it used to give you in case you slipped into the red by mistake, so aif you don't have an overdraft facility set up, you could face penalty fees even if they go overdrawn by just a few pence (grrrrrr...)
Lloyds has also put up the interest rate when you go overdrawn with authorisation from 18.2% to 19.3%. The unauthorised rate is 29.8%!
Good things: Woolwich, Barclays' mortgage arm, has a lifetime tracker that is virtually identical to the C&G deal.
Bad things: If you have a current account with Barclays, move!
It controls about 20% of the current-account market, according to Credit Suisse, yet its standard account pays just 0.1% on balances in credit. The authorised overdraft rate is 15.6%, but you will pay 27.5% if you exceed your limit, or go into the red without authorization (ouch!)
Good things: The Halifax One Credit card offers the longest interest-free period for both balance transfers and purchases.
Robert Kenley of Moneysupermarket said: "This card really stands out because cardholders get a 12-month 0% deal for both purchases and transfers. Customers are often caught out when the 0% deal on each element is of different lengths."
Bad things: Halifax has one of the worst savings accounts!
Liquid Gold, a market leader in the 1980s, pulled in billions of pounds but now pays you just 1.36%. Its Guaranteed Saver pays a more competitive 5.75% on £5,000 or more, but Sainsbury's Bank's Internet Saver pays you 6.25%.
Good things: Abbey has one of the best cash ISAs on the market!
You earn 6% up to £9,000 and 6.25% on anything above. This is particularly good because most of the leading deals only accept the current year's £3,000 allowance; they do not accept transfers of previous year's ISAs. But bear in mind that Abbey's ISA includes a 0.5% bonus until May 2008.
Bad things: Justin Modray at Bestinvest, ranks Abbey's UK Growth fund as one of the worst.
The £1.3 billion fund has failed to beat the FTSE All-Share index in all but two of the past 10 years. It has returned 68.4% in the last five years, against 93.5% for its sector. Abbey has announced it is bringing its funds back in-house, but Modray does not expect things to get much better.
Good things: Bestinvest gave HSBC 7.5 out of 10 for its investment range, the highest of the big banks.
Unlike the other main players, it offers investment funds from a range of providers. Investors would still get a greater choice from an independent adviser, but included in its range are Invesco Perpetual Income, Schroder Global Property Securities and Schroder European Alpha Plus, all of which are funds Bestinvest recommends to clients.
Bad things: You should avoid the HSBC's Online Saver.
It advertises a rate of 6.25%, but customers do not receive interest in any month they make a withdrawal. HSBC is also offering fee-free mortgages until the end of September, but none of their rates are particularly competitive.
Good things: Alliance & Leicester's Premier Direct current account is the best of all the big names.
Moneysupermarket, gives it 10 out of 10 for both its in-credit interest and its overdraft rate. Customers receive 6.5% on balances up to £2,500 until October 30 next year, after which it reverts to one point below Bank rate. This gives a current rate of 4.75% (compare that to the 0.1% paid by Barclays, Nat West, HSBC and Lloyds TSB).
The overdraft facility is interest-free for the first year, and 5.9% thereafter; we would point out that NatWest's rate is 19.99%.
Bad things: A&L has been one of the worst offenders when it comes to letting savers down.
There have been five 0.25% rate rises since last August, yet the bank has not passed on the full increases to all of its savers. Those with its Phone Saver account, for example, have seen their savings rate increase by only 0.7%.
Watch out for A&L's Direct Saver. It seems good because you can earn 6.3% above £1,000; however you don't earn any interest in any months you make a withdrawal.
So, there it is -the naming and the shaming of Britain's best and worst banks!
For those of us with the HSBC and Alliance and Leicester, we should be smiling broadly.
If you are with Nat West and Lloyds TSB, you are probably crying as you read this....
But who do you think is the worst bank in the UK?