Unfortunately it’s happened to many of us – seeing those blue flashing lights in our rear view mirror...
Whether you’re in a Murciélago or a Micra, occasionally you might find yourself in this situation. Of course we don’t condone speeding, but when it could be the difference between a fine or just a warning, have you ever wondered what you might say? For this reason, car website Jalopnik published a number of reader suggestions for getting off the hook!
Here are six of the best...
1. The Dramatic Approach
A woman crying is apparently the ultimate way to prevent a fine. However, the sight of a man bawling his eyes out on the roadside is surely going to be even more effective. Although rare in the past, perhaps this is something for the 21st century male?
2. The Humorous Approach
We all love a good joke, and perhaps police officers are no different. So why not tell a joke? Even if it is a poor one...
(On an empty country road)
Officer: Where are you going in such a hurry?
Driver: Just keeping up with traffic, officer.
Officer: I don't see any traffic.
Driver: That's how far behind I am, I was trying to keep up! (insert unfunny drum noise)
Officer: Just slow down... (walks back to car tutting and shaking head)
If they don't laugh, just say “What are you, the joke police?”
3. The Honest Approach
Occasionally you may be speeding with good reason. You or your partner might just about to give birth. You're late for an important meeting. The police are people too, apparently. They also hear a lot of nonsense (see above), so maybe the truth will impress them, if only for the novelty of it. Here's an example:
“My line is true, and my plea is earnest. Officer, I'm in sales, I drive a company car for a living, and every point I get on my license is additional money docked from my paycheck. The consequences of the ticket you're about to give me are far greater for me than for anyone else... please reconsider this as I could lose my job because of a speeding ticket.”
Also, you could just admit to them you're a motoring journalist (if that's true, of course).
4. The Dishonest Approach
We’ve all been tempted to lie before, not to mention justifying it to
ourselves as we go. “White lies” may help us out occasionally, but
would they work on a cop? How about something like this:
“Am I glad to see you! I was almost run off the road by this idiot in a
[make, model, colour of vehicle that passed you]. This guy was
definitely hammered.”
You are putting yourself on the side of "public
safety" and the cop will not want to take a chance that this fictitious
drunk won't kill someone. It might work. Certainly wouldn’t be our choice!
5. Technical Difficulties Approach
Unless you're driving something like a Toyota Yaris, which has a digital speedometer, there’s always a chance that your dials aren’t reading correctly. In fact, if you're driving an old Corsa this could actually be quite likely (trust me).
"Do you know how fast you were going?" Perhaps you really didn't. Perhaps you can convince the cops that your speedo is bust. Or perhaps you really did pull out the wires in anticipation of using this trick? But beware; the police will themselves have properly calibrated readouts which is all they need in a court of law.
6. The Foreigner Approach
If none of the above work for you, you may be clutching at straws now. However if you’ve ever seen “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”, you might remember his less-than-successful driving lesson. His supposed lack of understanding of basic English allowed him to get away with downright dangerous driving.
Feel free to try the same approach! Of course that’s assuming you have a funny name or look foreign. This does not work if your name is John Smith or Sarah Jones, but is great if your day job involves playing panpipes outside the local Debenhams. The more obscure the better – how many cops are likely to have been to Turkmenistan before?
Conclusion
We at Money Hospital would suggest that perhaps the best method of avoiding speeding fines is to not speed in the first place! If you’re caught there’s no telling what the consequences may be, but we'd be interested to hear if you've ever given one of the above a try...
If you have any experiences with speeding fines, please feel free to add your comments!