Night Nurse, who knows a few things about retail therapy, was delighted to share these golden rules of shopping* with us the other day.

They proved so helpful we thought you should know about them too! (It's worth mentioning that that men in particular should pay special attention to them!)

1. More choice means more decisions; so when you see an advert offering you more "choice", just insert the word "decisions" instead. It's always said that people like having more choice but in reality do you want more decisions?

2. When you have more choice (see Rule 1 above) you will always be left with a nagging doubt that there was something better that you missed.

3. One of the biggest lies in the world is on small packets of ready meals. It says: "Serves two".

4. When you pay a lot for something on impulse, you will then see it cheaper in a sale within two months.

5. Helplines often don't.

6. The newer the till, the smaller the brain of the shop assistant operating it. Just you watch.

7. The simpler the product, the more ridiculous the safety warnings. A bag of peanuts has a warning: "Contains nuts". A can of paint has a warning: "Not to be taken internally".

8. If you buy a flatpacked self-assembly kit, you will never be 100% confident that you have assembled it correctly. (This is because anarchists have infiltrated the flatpack factories. The junior anarchists work on the assembly line and always make sure that they leave out one part in each pack, or add one extra. Senior anarchists write the assembly instructions. Their plot is to undermine our confidence in the consumer society and their plot is succeeding.)

9. The last thing that Planet Earth needed was a choice of musical ringtones for mobile phones. Naturally these were invented before lots of other really crucial stuff we need.

10. All machines go wrong. The more functions a machine has, the more it will go wrong. The best machine has one fault which you know about and you can always fix.

11. When "comfort shopping" for yourself, remember this; a packet of Jaffa Cakes is often just as good as shoes or jewellery.

12. No, you don't need another credit card.

13. Remember that even though you are looking round the shops, it is NOT compulsory to buy anything. Deciding that nothing is good enough for you is a triumph of self-will and taste, and saves a fortune. No one should mock a spouse who returns empty-handed from an epic shopping trip.

14. The ability to go shopping without buying anything can be doubly fulfilling if you can think of moral objections to a product or its country of origin.

15. When you finally get familiar with the layout of a store, they will suddenly rearrange all the sections so that you can't find anything you want.

16. When you are in a hurry to pay at the supermarket, you will find yourself standing behind: a) a chatty old fella who is paying by chip-and-pin in the 10 Items or Fewer queue but can't decide which card to use or whether he wants cashback and all the while he is jabbering on his mobile phone; or b) a woman who seems surprised to be asked for money at all; so it's only when she is told the amount that she rummages in her shopping bag to find her handbag, then rummages in her handbag to find her purse, then counts out the money penny by penny...

17. When you postpone buying something so you can think it over, you will never find it again. Ever. Instead, you will find something not quite as good but more expensive.

18. Never believe that anything is going to be the Next Big Thing. They said that the computer was going to replace the printed word. If this was true, why are there so many computer magazines...?

19. When you find a product that you really like, it will have been redesigned or discontinued the next time you go to buy it; or the shop that sells it will have closed down.

20. When you want to buy something complicated or technical, there will be no sales assistant available who can answer any questions. When you want something simple, a sales assistant will pounce on you within seconds and then talk to you for hours.

21. When you get angry, think before you tell the manager of a local shop that you will never set foot there ever again. You will spend years going miles out of your way before you make a humiliating return, only to find that said manager left some time ago.

22. When you finish decorating a room and go out to buy the furniture for it ready-made, it will not be available for delivery for two months, so that you sicken of the whole idea before it even arrives.

23. With any publication, whether it is an electricity bill, a magazine or an instruction booklet, there are always at least two enclosures telling you about other things that are somehow connected. And you will always throw away the important ones.

24. The most important information in any glossy publication is normally completely unreadable. This is because new generations of young designers think it is groovy to put white lettering on a yellow background, or red on pink. They think it's still readable because they have the eyes of hawks, but clearly the brains of sparrows.

25. Only two big facts are known for certain: you are on a large, spinning rock hurtling through lonely space at about 67,000 mph, and one day your body is going to die. So, in the grand scheme of things, does another pair of shoes really help?

(*Ok, they are actually adapted from the novel "This Age We're Living In" by David Wilson

You can buy it here.

10 tips that will make sure you stay broke!